Novel Diary for "Egg" I kept a diary while working on Egg & here are some excerpts from it. Scary! 1/26/99 I've been working on my new novel for four weeks now (this is the fourth week). I started it on Jan. 4, 1999. I can't believe how fun this is! But also scary as hell. Every day I feel like I have to leap out of a plane into the fog. Every day, I sit down and I wonder if anything will come today. And I fear that one day it will dry up. So far, most of it has come gushing out, at least it did for the "Jessie" voice, and the piece of Lois' story that's in Jessie's story. But the Jimmy voice I couldn't get to come at all, it was all forced and crooked and yucky. So I struggled with it for about 5,000 words, then gave up and went on to another voice, the Jackie voice, which is (duh) coming out in great gushes. I'm starting to hear the Janice voice in my head, altho it's not quite clear yet. I fear that it will turn into MY voice, that it won't sound any different from the Jackie story. I think this might be what's wrong with Jimmy's voice - I couldn't get it to sound different from Jessie's. Oh well, we'll see! 2/4/99 Well I was right about the voices drying up, or at least coming out slower. The big gush seems to have stopped, and I've had to do more forcing with each story. So far, the word count is: Jessie: 27,000 Jimmy: 7,000 Jackie: 7,000 Janice: 12,000 Steph: 700 TOTAL: ~54,000 Dawn loved the Jimmy voice! Ain't that weird? She liked it better than Jessie's. So I've been working more on Jimmy's story. Altho it still comes out slow and painfully. I keep boring myself -- always a bad sign. I love doing the Janice voice -- it's as much fun as Jessie's, maybe even more fun. For some reason, it's pretty easy to write, especially her anger. And it's very fun to write HER view of ME. Pretty funny, sometimes. What have I learned? To keep on. Persevere, that's what everyone says. Just keep writing, writing, writing. Worry later about editing, about fashioning a story line that makes sense. Right now I'm just creating puzzle pieces. I have a feeling this might be the fun part. What am I working on? Dawn says I need more concrete details. She also thot the Jessie story was an outline (probably true). And I know I need more exposition, more time in people's heads. More opinion, reflection from my characters. I am reading Huck Finn again. A great teacher of how to do details. And just about everything else! 2/18/99 Things to tell myself: 1. Be funny. 2. Be wild, creative, out there -- take risks. Be crazy. Push the envelope. Break it. 3. It's OK to be literary (sometimes). 4. THIS IS A FIRST BLOBBY DRAFT! JUST GO! 5. Make it up! Lie! You can make your characters do anything you want. Forget the truth. It's a yarn, it's a story -- so spin away. Put people on busses. Bring in the snow. Invent an Aunt Yvonne. Total word count to date: 71,200 And another thing: It might be time to change the names -- from real people's names into fictional names. I think that will give me more freedom to lie and do whatever I want with these characters. I seem to keep hanging up on the truth. And I don't mean that in a telephone way. 3/2/99 OK, here's how it's gone so far. For the first six weeks, I did nothing but write. Spew. Just wrote and wrote, whatever came to mind. A lot of it gushed out, but I had days when I had to force it, too. I averaged about 3,000 words a day. Then for some reason, I don't know why, last week, starting on Monday, I decided to edit what I had. Guess maybe the "gush" came to an end, and I couldn't think of anything new to write. Also, I wanted to see what I had so far. I was at the point where I couldn't remember what I'd written. So, for the last two weeks, I've been in edit mode, and I've made a sort of outline (really just a list) of what I have so far. Then yesterday I did some brainstorming about what scenes I still needed to add, to fill in the gaps. Today, I wrote some of those scenes. So I guess that's what I'm doing now. I never know from one day to the next! What a mystery! I still don't know what the story is, although mostly I'm centering around weddings and divorces as a sort of theme. Or at least, that's what I go on when I'm stuck. And also the crazy-mother stuff. When all else fails, I write a crazy-mother scene. : So I'm trying to put in some childhood stuff, too. Oh, and I realized that the book is really just about one set of sisters, based on me, Janice, and Steph. The other set, the ones based on Jimmy, Jessie, and Lois, is really another book. So I'm not working on those anymore. I'm focusing on me, Jan, Steph, and our family (minus Andrew). Well, I figured I might write an autobiographical novel some day. So here I am, doing just that. Sometimes it makes me feel like a junior writer, doing this, but then I think -- lots and LOTS of writers have written GOOD autobio. novels! Like Mary Karr (Liar's Club) and Kaye Gibbons (Ellen Foster) and, well, probably lots of others that I don't even know about. So there. 3/10/99 Well I seem to be writing again. I was just editing, and then I did an organization check - did a sort of outline, and I listed all the scenes I still needed to write. So last week I started writing them. So that's what I'm doing. Scene-writing. Kind of weird. In and out. Then on to the next scene. But fun, too. I wonder how I will ever link all these scenes together, because right now they feel like little puzzle pieces -- all to different puzzles. But I'll worry about that later. On to the next scene. It really helped when I finally got out my white board on Monday and listed out my three story-tellers (Abby, Lisa, CeCe), and then under each I listed the scenes I still needed to write for each. So now I have 3 lists, and I just go down and tick off each scene as I write it. I seem to be bouncing between Lisa and Abby right now, ignoring CeCe. Maybe her story is supposed to come all at once, at the end - who knows. Or maybe I won't know her story until Abby and Lisa tell theirs. It's a mystery! I keep saying that. My continuing mantra: Be funny, be wild, be literary. 4/27/99 I feel like I'm starting all over. Sudden changes have happened. Many changes. Like, for instance, this doesn't seem to be a sister story anymore, I seem to be writing only about Mom, Mom, Mom. But oh well. Maybe this novel will be about Mom, who knows? I knew one day I'd write a crazy mother book. So, maybe this is it. I'm trying to accept that. But I've had to trash SO MANY PAGES!! Yesterday I was finally brave and deleted a bunch of the old stuff I know I'll never use. I mean it wasn't any good. It was crap. So I deleted. Pages and pages. Saved some of it, in other files, some of the "maybe" stuff. But I doubt I'll even use that. So now I'm down to 4300 words in the Abby file and 6400 words in the Lisa file (10,700 total). So depressing, only 10,000 words, after I'd been up to 70,000! Oh well. I guess this is how you write a novel. I just try to think of this as Draft #2. Andrea Carlisle said she rewrote her novel 9 times. Nine. I seem to be wallowing in metaphor and imagery. Can't seem to move into exposition. I keep rewriting, rewriting, word by word, oh so slow, adding metaphors and imagery in every nook and corner I can find. Probably doing it too much. Well, I'll edit it later. Right now I think it sounds good. But GOD, it's so slow! I've never written this slowly in my life. Painful. But what comes out -- well it's good. At least I think it's good today. I'm reading Tom Spanbauer's book, The Man Who Fell In Love with the Moon. I'm starting to write like him already. Which is fine with me. It's a fine book. Fine writing. I know if I read nothing, I write the worst shit ever. So, better to read and imitate. I guess. It's about the process. The journey. I keep saying. 5/18/99 I'm now in Tom's class/writing group on Thursday nights. So good for me. Even though I get bored sitting there for 3 or sometimes 4 hours, it's good for me. I hear so many good things from him, things I gotta do. Learn how to do. Already I'm writing SO differently. Eyes open wide. Seeing new things. But god it has slowed me down even MORE. Now I write a word then another word then another word. Word by word. But what comes out is good. Usually. Feel like I keep rewriting every scene I have. Will the rewriting ever stop? I need to go on, write new scenes! But I like that my eyes are more open now. Like this new way of seeing and writing. Tom knows a lot. He says the right stuff. Now if I can just DO it! He's so big into "on the body." Making stuff happen on your characters' bodies. Not just words coming out of their mouths. On the body, on the body, I say to myself over and over. He likes to see it on the body first, then let them speak. So much to learn. Why do I think I need to know it all in 5 months? So overwhelming to think how far I have to go. Traveled so little down the path so far. No way can I finish this in a year. Two years? We'll see. Word count: 17,822 total (Lisa and Abby files). 6/16/99 Big turn of events this week. Last Thursday I took a "Lisa" chapter to Tom's class and he liked it, couldn't find much wrong with it, didn't give me much criticism on it. Which bummed me out, because I didn't think it was a very good chapter, only I couldn't figure out why. It bugged me all weekend, and then I got it: it's that 6-year-old voice. It's too young. It's too limiting to write in such a young voice. Can't do it. So then I thought, what now? Do I make Lisa older? Abby older? Create a new sister, maybe a teenager? And then it struck me: how so many novels, esp. first novels, are written in ONE voice. And I thought, why? And the answer is: because it's EASIER!!! At least that's my theory. So I decided to take a big breath and drop the Lisa voice entirely. So now it's Abby's book, Abby's story. It's all up to her. Can she handle it? We'll see! This is scary and comforting at the same time. Because, of course, I LOVE Abby, since she's kinda me. She's easy to write in, much easier than Lisa. So, I'll take the easy way out and kill Lisa. I was also having trouble with Lisa because I didn't know her well enough, couldn't figure her out, couldn't get in her head. So OK, Abby, it's all up to you…….. Abby file word count: 19,517. Page count: 71. Here we go. I feel like I'm starting all over AGAIN! What is this, about Draft #3? Only three. I have nothing to complain about. But geez, down to only 20,000 words again. Lawdy lawdy lawdy. So depressing. God, I've had to trash SO MANY words, so many pages. Hm, so THIS is writing????? Can't find anything to read. Read Tom's two books, and now I can't get interested in anything else. What does it mean?????? 6/29/99 Have to stop going to Tom's class, it's fucking me up completely, hog-tying me, I can't write a thing. Got his big voice in my head, every word I write I'm thinking, would Tom like this? What would he say about this? Too much in my head. Sure, I know he's RIGHT about a lot of stuff. But my internal editor has become too big and has taken over so I can only write about one word an HOUR, so it's gotta go. Gotta let go of Tom's voice in my head. Even if I know he's right. Doesn't matter. Get it out of there. Gotta be able to WRITE, goddamnit. Out, damned voice! Can't go to Tom's any more. Maybe only once in awhile. My head is too full, time to stop and just WORK. I gotta get some WORDS out, man! I know they're inside me, I just have to kill this fucking editor in there, the jailer. Still can't find anything to read. Word count: 32,693 Page count: 114 (double-spaced) 7/15/99 I am going to Tom's class tonight. Because guess what I write better when I'm going to class, when I have the pressure when I have to perform and impress and be excellent. Too lazy when I don't go to class, undisciplined. Oh I am so silly. I need a map to my life. Just finished reading "Campfires of the Dead" by Peter Christopher, marvelous perfect most excellent book, recommended by Tom. Oh la, the language! My my. Started "Makai" last night by Kathleen Tyau. Twenty pages so far wunnerful, stunning. Word count: 39,939 Page count: 142 I feel like I'm going so slow, making so little progress, then I look at my word count and I go, Hey! Not so bad! I am getting somewhere, one little pink step at a time. Novels are monsters. Huge, with pointy teeth. 8/3/99 I seem to be at a crossroads of some sort. I sit down, and I don't know where I am, don't know what I should work on. Lost focus. So, Monday I printed out my entire novel so far, all 156 pages, and I've started to read it straight thru. Mostly to see what I have, because I can't keep it all in my head anymore. And also to see where to go next, what else I need to do. Interestingly enough, as I read I'm thinking about the big picture. Getting tons of new ideas, new scenes, new thoughts about character and what I really want to say. Not that I really know what I want to say yet. But it's becoming clearer. I think I need to kill off the baby. She's just too problematic, and I like the idea that the Mom leaves and it's just the Dad and the two sisters, all helping each other, all struggling together. And this way I don't have to have any day care during the day for the baby! : And it still works with my title, which is still a secret so I'm not even going to type it here (I've told no one, not even Eric, what it is - I'm that superstitious). As I read, I alternate between depression and excitement. Depressed because some of the stuff I have is no good, must be all rewritten. Also depressed when I think of how much work I have left to do on it. But I remind myself, I've only been doing this for 7 months!! Have lots of time, still. And excited because some of the writing I like, it really works, I think it's good. That's today. In a month I might go, Yuck! ;) Also have to remind myself: I don't need to write Huck Finn or Catcher in the Rye or Beloved this first time out. Hardly anyone writes a killer, American-classic first novel. So I don't need to have such high expectations for myself. If I can just write a good story, something that entertains, well that's good. That's all I need to do, this first time. I keep saying. Over and over. To myself. Every day. Ha. Still going to Tom's class. Still a good thing to do. 8/12/99 The divorce book is officially dead. I'm not going to work on it anymore. I'm just going to work on my novel. Because this is what I want to do. I want to be a novelist. That's all. Such a little thing. ;) I'm so happy I made that decision. That thing was a big truck tire around my neck. And why was I still working on it? Guilt. Nothing else, just guilt. I'm so glad it's gone. It's not even on my desk anymore, it's put away. This means, of course, that I have to work on my novel in the afternoon as well as morning. My goal is 2 hours in the afternoon (plus the 2 in the morning), but right now I'm just doing 1 hour in the afternoon. And that last hour is HARD!!!! But I'm making myself do it. Most days. 8/26/99 I've decided that writing is like mining. You take your pickax and go tapping around on the rock, trying to hit a vein. Sometimes you hit a vein and you go and go and go, it all comes wooshing out of you, then the vein dries up, and off you go, tap tap tapping again. Boy there sure is a lot of tapping and getting nothing but rock. But of course you have to keep tapping. Otherwise you're not mining at all. I've hit 200 pages. 57,000 words. It feels good to have so much, but I feel like it's just a big disorganized glop. I wonder if it will ever be a novel. Just scenes, scenes, scenes, all disconnected. Can I sew it up? Make it seamless? We shall see……. I've been working on something I call "connected narrative." Which is basically just scenes connected to other scenes, in a linear fashion. I write a scene then I keep going on to the next scene and the next - see where it goes. I don't know if it's the thing to do yet. But it's something to do. You know, you have to give yourself things to do. Otherwise you get bored. Or at least I do. 10/4/99 Well I finally printed everything out, the whole 280 pages that I have so far. Printed it out so I could organize it, or at least try to. And to see what I have. After I printed it out, I put all the pages into some kind of order, which I mostly made up. Now I'm starting on page 1 (back on the computer) and I'm going straight through it, trying to sew all these scenes together into a cohesive whole. Today was the first day I sewed. It wasn't too hard but I feel like I'm sewing a spider web, not a whole dress. I feel like there's so much missing. Just huge, enormous holes. Not even holes because you have to have something whole to have holes. Don't you? But I tell myself, you can fill that stuff in later. Although I feel like I'm sewing together holes and later I'll make the real dress. Ha. Just finished reading Chuck Palahniuk, all three books (Fight Club, Survivor, Invisible Monsters). I am IN LOVE. Oh. My. God. Can that man WRITE. Jesus, if I could write one Chuck Palahniuk sentence, I could die and go wherever after that and nothing else would matter. (Of course, Chuck is an ex-Tom-student, no surprise.) I need to stick Chuck's picture up on my computer screen. For inspiration and whatever. He can join EB White, Hemingway, Maya Angelou, Whitney Otto, Ray Carver, Billie Lets, and Nat Goldberg. Quite a collection. What would I sound like if I sounded like ALL of them????? Still going to Tom's class/group on Thursday nights. So good for me. Keeps me going, most weeks. Tom says to leave voice once in a while, give the reader a rest. Go outside the narrator, go to a tree, a lake, a school yard, whatever. Give us a little bit of setting and give that voice a break! Just a sentence or paragraph, whatever. I'm trying to do it. 11/10/99 -- STARTING OVER So the big news is, I started over. Trashed that whole 300 pages I had already and started over. Because it seemed like the right thing to do. Because all those scenes I had, they just wouldn't gel, they wouldn't fit together. I wanted everything to flow better, so I just decided -- start over from page 1 and just tell the whole story from beginning to end. I know what the story is now (I think), I know what I want to say (I think), and I'm pretty sure I know how it's gonna end, so I'm just going to tell it. Sit down and tell it, all in one breath. So far, this has been the best thing I ever did. So far it's just flowing out of me. I'm in the third week of it now (I started over on 10/25/99, page 1) and the first two weeks I couldn't type fast enough, it just gushed out, but this week has been harder. I'm still glad I started over. I feel like everything is being told in one consistent voice now -- before, the voice was still changing all the time and it was just too hard to rewrite everything to make it sound like a whole. Today's page count: 137 pages Word count: 33,212 words Well…..we'll see where this little trail leads. Another note: I am a Fight Club junkie. Read the book three times already, saw the movie three times, bought the book on tape, bought the soundtrack CD. Can't get enough of Chuck. God, if I could write like that……. Can't read anything else. Only People magazine. I'm getting mighty tired of not being able to read. Might have to just say fuck it and go buy Barbara Kingsolver or something…..Poisonwood Bible is just out in paperback……. 1/10/2000 Well I got up to 214 pages (52,000 words) before Xmas, then took a long Xmas break. Now I'm reading through the 214 pages, editing and rewriting and making notes. I haven't gotten to the end yet, but I came to a stopping place and didn't know where to go from there, so I printed it all out and decided to read it since I can't keep it all in my head anymore. Geez, how did Wally Lamb do it with 900 fucking pages?????? Still can't find any good fiction novels to read. Tried Poisonwood Bible and hated it -- she was supposedly writing in young girls' voices, but they all sounded like Harvard-educated adults. Then tried On the Occasion of My Last Afternoon by Kaye Gibbons, and couldn't stand the writing style - way way too flowery and languid and doesn't go anywhere…..slow slow slow! So I went and bought Ann Rule's latest true crime book (And Never Let Her Go) and I'm zipping through it, can't put it down. : Ah, cheap, tawdry, trashy true crime, ya gotta love it! I've stopped going to Tom's class (last time I went was 11/18/99), mostly because I wasn't getting much out of it anymore. I kept hearing the same things, week after week, not always about my writing (but sometimes), but definitely with other people's writing. I was getting bored out of my mind so I figured I was done with that, at least for awhile. Also it's not worth $40 a week to sit there and hear the same old stuff, week after week. So, maybe I'm just taking a break and I'll go back, or maybe not. We'll see. 1/19/00 Pulling taffy. This is what I'm doing, I've decided. I'm rewriting, page by bloody slow page, and it's so goddamn tedious. I'm deleting like crazy, then taking other sentences or paragraphs and blowing them way up, adding adding adding, filling in here, riffing there -- pulling taffy. Actually, the rewriting part is pretty fun, it's just so sloooooooooow. I did like 7 pages in 3 hours today and I'm all worn out! God, every word counts. I can sit there and agonize over ONE WORD for, like, hours. I'm haunted by the end of that yellow galoshes scene, when the two sisters go out into the rain to walk to school. It has to be perfect, I want it to be so poignant, this is where everyone should grab their hearts and cry, that's how sad I want it to be. But I can't get it right! Arrrrrrrrrgh!!!! Where's that book where you can just look up endings and pick one? Ha ha. Finished Ann Rule, don't know what to read next. Might try A Man In Full by Tom Wolfe. But I'll probably hate it. Ha. Word count: ~53,000. 221 pages. 2/8/00 I hated A Man In Full and I'm still pulling taffy. This is the hardest work I've ever done. I'm reading the Harry Potter books (by J.K. Rowling) and they are DELIGHFUL!!!! Oh and I'm thinking about starting a novelist support group but I can't do it till April because I have crisis line training in March. Bummer that I have to wait but oh well. Word count: 52,723. 228 pages. 2/9/00 Whew! Finally done editing and rewriting! Time to move ON, write some new stuff... 2/14/00 First day of writing new stuff. Oh my GOD, it was so hard at first. Just crap came out, but now I know to just keep going. It was so hard to sit here for 3 hours. But I made myself do it, the WHOLE three hours. It really is about making your butt stay in the chair, just like James Baldwin said. And I did write 4000 fucking words today, so I guess gluing my butt to the chair did work. P.S. Some of it was even good. 2/22/00 Came to a turning point today -- Abby now has a boyfriend! I had no idea that was going to happen. I feel like the whole book just took a big left turn. I hope this works. Oh well -- I'm just following it for now, see what happens. Still reading Harry Potter, now on the third (and last) one. Wonderful! Word count: 64,267. Pages: 280. 2/28/00 Today's lesson: get inside a scene. Things don't happen until you get inside a scene. So even if it's coming out all shitty and klunky and stupid, just get yourself to a scene and get it started and keep going and after you're deep enough into it, things start to happen. Not always, but I think it happens a lot. You get your characters saying things and doing things and moving around and then the magic happens. Finished Harry Potter and am reading nothing except People magazine. Waiting for the next book to find me... Word count: 72,005 Page count: 314 Goal: 100,000 words. (This is me, obsessing on numbers -- but it's how I work.) P.S. Abby is now pregnant! Where did THAT come from????? Also, the Mom is getting sicker and sicker again. She might even try to kill herself again, who knows. She might even succeed this time, I don't know……we'll see what happens……. 2/29/00 Oh my god, I got to the end!!!!! I wrote the last scene, the last sentence! Wow. Well now I know how it ends. Now it's time to go back and fill it all in……. Word count: 74,257 Page count: 338 (added page breaks) 3/13/00 So here's what I did next: 1. Printed it all out. 2. Started reading and editing it. 3. Got depressed. 4. Said Fuck all this paper and went back to editing on-screen. 5. Went OK for one day. 6. Got depressed. 7. Got depressed. 8. Got depressed. I feel like everything I've written so far is CRAP. The first 50 pages is, truly, crap. The next 25 pages is a little better but still CRAP. I mean a third-grader could have written this shit. It's just so boooooooooooooring. I can think of one hundred billion things I need to do to make it better, which is totally overwhelming and depressing. Whose idea was this, anyway? I can't write a novel. Who am I kidding? I have no talent whatsoever. Maybe I could become a stewardess. 3/16/00 I've been trying some new things. Like, yesterday, I rewrote the first three chapters from the top, all fresh and new. But even THAT was coming out all dull and dry, oh deathless prose at last I've found thee….. So then I decided to do some brainstorming to try to figure out just what the problem is. But it was too slow to write everything down by hand, so I got out my trusty tape recorder and starting brainstorming into it, just a free-flow stream of consciousness. I don't know if it helped. One thing I got out of it was a new ending for the "swings" scene, but not sure if I solved anything. Today I started the swings scene from the top, all fresh and new again. Wrote it totally differently, with there being almost nothing wrong and Abby telling it like it's no big deal only maybe there's a little something amiss. Not sure if it works and it still seems boring to me, but I'm really so very BORED of all this BORING WRITING so maybe next week I'll just keep going, on to the next chapter. Keep rewriting and rewriting those first 50 pages. Is this how you do it? I have no idea. But I do think, when all else fails, just bulldoze. Which means, just keep going, keep writing no matter what, even if it is so sucky you're embarrassed to even be typing it. P.S. I'm reading nothing at the moment. Can't find anything good. Maybe that's the problem????? 4/10/00 So what happened next was, I kept spinning my wheels for the next few days and it was starting to drive me crazy and I was making everything WORSE instead of BETTER, so then it hit me that maybe, just maybe, it was time to let a few people read the thing. The whole thing. I decided I needed some input and some perspective. So -- I printed it all out, had Kinko's make 7 copies, with a comb binding and cover and everything, and voila! A real novel! All 335 pages. Then I gave it to 7 people to read: Eric, Steph, Dawn, Cleone, Steve, Susan P., and Susan G. That happened around April 1, and I gave everyone a month to read it. But guess what???? Everyone is DONE ALREADY!!!! And so far, everyone has LOVED IT!!!!! I've gotten detailed comments so far from Cleone, Susan P., and Eric, and they had lots of good things to say about it, and also a few suggestions for improvement (but nothing big). Everyone keeps saying what a page turner it is, and how they wanted to see what happens next. They say it's a quick read. Yea!!! Geez, could I be close to done already???? All during this time, I haven't looked at it. Not even a peek. I know I need a break from it, so I've been working on some old short stories. Mostly just to be doing SOMEthing. I have absolutely no interest in any of my short stories, so I just play around with them. It's so weird - I feel so detached from my novel now. Like it grew up and went off to college. Gone. Hope I can get re-attached so I can fix some of the things that need fixing. Although several people have said, "Despite my comments, it's really great as is. I think you could sell it as is, without changing a word." Could I really be done????? Reading at the moment: Crazy in Alabama by Mark Childress. Fun but flawed. Just finished: Girl, Interrupted by Suzanna Kaysen. FABulous!!!!! Oh my god!!!! 5/4/00 So this week (starting Monday) was Start In Again week. I pretty much gave up on my short stories and just took the rest of April off. During that time, I got everyone's detailed comments. Most everyone said the same thing: loved it, it's great, maybe beef up the father character. Some people also said to beef up Lisa and Poppy. A couple people didn't like the ending - said it should go on some more, maybe to resolve Dad and Abby's relationship or something. The most negative person was Dawn, who didn't like the first two-thirds but loved the last third. She thinks the first third is slow and choppy and the voice is inconsistent. Second third is a little better, but still choppy and not a smooth-sounding voice yet. Of course this depressed the hell out of me and for about 24 hours I considered things like becoming a night clerk at the Seven-Eleven. So on Monday I picked up my novel and started reading (with NO PEN in hand, no marking allowed - although I did take some notes on a separate piece of paper). And I have to agree with Dawn, at least about the first third. The first 60-100 pages could use some work. They're definitely not as smooth as the rest. But golly gee gosh, once it gets going, it really swings. There are times when even *I* get swept up in it and can't stop reading! Also I do need to beef up Dad, Lisa, and Poppy. But I can do that. I know how. Right? Right. The good news is, I don't think it'll take much work to fix it. Yipes, am I that close????? P.S. Reading nothing right now. Need to start SOMEthing but can't find anything good. Maybe it's time to read Catcher again. I mean, you can't read Catcher too many times. P.P.S. For future reference, two things I've learned: 1) repetition works (this from Tom) - eg, repeating a character's last name, or repeating a phrase like "Dad's beloved incinerator." 2) Shit, can't remember the other one now! 5/11/00 Wow, this is easy. I can't believe how easy this is. It's like the home stretch on a crossword puzzle. You have enough words and letters everywhere that you can get all the rest of the answers -- it's just a matter of dropping them in. Plunk, plunk, plunk. I know how to fix what's wrong, I know what to add. I just drop each piece of the puzzle in. There's gotta be something wrong here. It can't be this easy! Just finished Heartburn by Nora Ephron. Fabulous, funny writing. Read it in 3 nights and now I have nothing to read! Wah. 5/30/00 I am SO bored and SO unmotivated. I don't know why. I don't want to work, I just want to play. I'm sick sick sick of working on this novel! I just want it to be DONE. OVER. On to the next one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, this is the test of a true writer - whether you can make yourself do it when you don't feel like it. Yada yada yada. But I HAVE been making myself work on it. I just have to express how BORED I am with it, OK? God, I just want to tear through it fast and be done. I'm so tired of adding these little touches here and there. This isn't writing, this is polishing silverware. And polishing is really not my thing at all. I want to write, I want to GUSH! Oh well. Onward and outward. That's all I have to say today. Yawn. Can't find anything to read in the way of fiction. But I am reading At the Field's End, which is interviews with 22 Northwest writers. Some are dull, some are good - like Ursula LeGuin and Tom Robbins. Of course! Someone who was interviewed said they only work 2-3 hours a day, which made me feel good. Since that's what I do. P.S. Have I mentioned "fudging" yet? Like putting in slang that's really from the 90's even though the novel takes place in the 70's? 6/19/00 Things to write more about later: + Brainstorming works. + Objects are great, wonderful things. + Making a scene "pop." + It can't be 1972 (exactly) because you can get stuff wrong. Make it vague - early 70s. 7/10/00 Well. Well well well. Much time has passed. I've been to Ohio, Pennsylvania, and back. A cat has died, my sweet Sally, hit by a car while I was gone. So much has happened. Except that my novel did NOT finish itself while I was gone. So here I am. I finally edited it, printed it out, and read it. Now I am editing again, but this should be only little bitsy edits. And then it goes OUT FOR REVIEW once again. Hopefully by July 15. Oh who am I kidding, I'll never made the 15th. But definitely by the end of July. I have decided to spend more than 2-3 hours a day at this. After all, this is my fucking job. Not that today has been any shining example of anything but pure sloth. NEED TO GET THIS FUCKING THING DONE. That is all I have to say today. Get back on track, you silly thing. Quit playing. I think I'm afraid to finish it. Because then….THEN. Comes the even scarier part. I have to find an agent, try to sell it, oh me………… And my other fear: that I'm making it worse, not better. Should I just leave it alone? Call it good? Have I shared that great quote yet, by the esteemed Martin Guttman? "The person who gets Release 1.0 out is working on Release 2.0." Golden words. I have then up on my bulletin board. Maybe I need a billboard. FINISH, FINISH, FINISH!!!!! |