I was an English major in college because my dad wouldn't finance my being a music major (he was a music teacher). After college I accidentally fell into technical writing. I'm still not sure how this happened. I knew nothing about computers then, and I know even less now. But there I was, very gainfully employed, writing computer manuals. It was a dream come true for my father, because it was so very gainful. I bought a Triumph and a Porsche. Life was good, except that I hated what I was doing.

So you went to law school.
I did, how did you know that???

We have people.
I gotta get some people. I'm waiting for that day, when I have people.

I'd wanted to go to law school since my junior year in college, when I was dating this guy who was headed for law school. He said, and I quote, "You'd kick ass in law school." That stayed with me for years, and I kept wondering, Would I? So I went.

Did you kick ass?
I dunno. I loved law school and I never thought it was hard, but I don't know if that's kicking ass. I'm pretty sure it's not. No, now that I think about it, it's not. But I did graduate, I passed the bar, I got a job, I bought the BMW. But I hated being an attorney. I loathed it. I despised it.

Why didn't you like it?
Because you have to be mean. They don't tell you that in law school. You're constantly in battle gear. You're always talking to other mean attorneys on the phone, or writing them mean letters, or talking to mean insurance companies. It's just so negative. I had no idea. Law school was so much fun.

Why novels?
Short stories were never my thing. They're way too hard. Writing a novel is like getting to sleep in a king-sized bed all by yourself. I love all the room, you can really stretch out.

Where did the idea for An Egg on Three Sticks come from?
First I wrote some short stories -- like everyone does -- about my childhood, my family, my parents' awful, mud-slinging divorce. Then the Christmas of 1998 I was sitting in my mother-in-law's living room, talking to her about her two sisters, and I realized that they sounded just like my two sisters. I thought, this would make a great novel. So I went home and started writing it. The story changed from being about six sisters, to being about three sisters, to being about two sisters and a depressive mother.

What does the title An Egg on Three Sticks mean?
It can mean whatever you want it to mean. I don't like books where authors write the title into the story and make it mean something. But if you're dying for an interpretation -- I think either the mom can be the egg or Abby can be the egg. They're each fragile in their own way, and the other three members of the family hold each of them up in a unique way, too.

How did you come up with the title?
It's actually an old joke in my family. One night after dinner my sister Janice and I were telling each other jokes. We were teenagers at the time. Our youngest sister, Stephanie, who was about 4 or 5 at the time, piped in with a joke that she made up on the spot, which made no sense. The punchline was "It's an egg on three sticks!", which also made no sense, but we about killed ourselves laughing, it was so cute. So now that's a line we all use in my family.

What do you want people to get from An Egg on Three Sticks?
Oh god, you mean like a message or something?

I don't know. You asked the question.
I did not, you did.

Shut up.
No you shut up.

No you.
OK, all I want people to get out of An Egg on Three Sticks is a good ride. It's not like I wrote it hoping it would be the catalyst for world peace.

How much of An Egg on Three Sticks is autobiographical?
Well it's based on a small kernel of truth (my mom did try to commit suicide when I was 13) but I made most of it up. Sure, the family members are based on my family members, but only based. I kind of blew them up into caricatures. At least that's what I'm telling them.

How has your family dealt with your book?
They don't know about it yet. They're currently aboard the Mir Space Station.

Uh....the Mir is no longer in orbit. It crashed.
It DID?????

What's your writing process like?
I start with some characters talking in my head. So I just start writing down what they're saying. Then I get some scenes going. Then when I have a bunch of scenes, I see if I have a story arc yet. Once I have the story arc, I fill in the missing scenes. Oh my god, I just used "story arc" in a sentence! How cool is that?

Wow, you make it sound so easy.
Oh my god, it's so not! For me it's like trying to pull out your own teeth with your bare hands. You know, the big ones, in the back.

By the way, did you ask me about style yet?

I was about to. OK, style.
My rule has always been, write how ya talk. That's my only rule about style. Which is why my stuff doesn't sound very "writerly." But I don't want to sound writerly. I want my characters to sound like real people, people you'd meet on the street. Not that you ever meet anyone on the street, I mean who does that?

Who are your favorite authors?
Admire and aspire to write like: Chuck Palaniuk, Tom Spanbauer, Mary Karr, Frank McCourt, Amy Tan, Wally Lamb, Olive Ann Burns, Joe Connolly, Kaye Gibbons, Billie Letts.

Admire but will never be this good: J. D. Salinger, Mark Twain, Toni Morrison, and don't laugh but Patrick Dennis.

If you could be....
Anyone else? Who would I be? Oh, sorry, I know I shouldn't interrupt like that. Bad habit.

I want to be one of the "Queer Eye" guys. Like Carson, I love Carson. He wears the most fabulous jackets. Have you seen that turquoise one with the....

I've never seen "Queer Eye." [shocked expression] And you call yourself a journalist?

What are you doing after this? And I don't mean that in a "date" way.
I just finished my second novel. It's sitting on a shelf in my closet, cooking. I have a great idea for my third novel, but I'm not telling anyone cuz I'm superstitious. Even my husband doesn't know. Some day I'd like to write a fake true-crime book, because I love true crime but hate research.

True crime? Hello? Weren't you an English major?
It's my sinful pleasure. I love murderers, especially women murderers, and most especially women who murder their children. I know, clearly I have mother issues. Who doesn't?

I love Ann Rule, she's the queen of true crime. I wish she'd put out a book a month, but she only does about one a year. I went to hear her read at Powell's and there were like 9,000 people there. And it was a dark, rainy night.

I also love boxing. I love the blood. It's the best reality TV there is.

What do you want on your tombstone?
"She was funny, she was nice, and she had great hair."

No, really - what do you want on your tombstone?
Objection! Asked and answered!